I read this post recently on Blogbharti, and it brought back a particularly confusing memory regarding girls and their fascination for the Mills and Boons books. I remember seeing one such link from Desipundit as well, sometime ago. Apparently, they all go gaga over these books, and from experience I know that. But I also find it incredibly bewildering about the how and the why. For those who are interested about the "from experience" part above, let me explain.
A long time ago, my sisters had been gleefully poring over some book. I am a voracious reader (I re-read through Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last night at one go in eight hours), and so something so interesting for my sisters definitely caught my attention. My sisters told me, "This isn't something that guys should read", which got me all the more interested. On a fine wintry afternoon, post-lunch, I took a folding cot out in the sun. Armed with a pillow and a snug little bedsheet, I started reading this book. And all my enthusiasm about the book vanished within 20-30 pages of the book I had smuggled out. There was this caretaker guy of some god-forsaken house who went to cut wood in a nearby forest. And here was this daughter of some rich fat guy who had come to spend a week alone by herself. She keeps standing on the balcony and listening intently to the feeble sound of some dead tree being chopped. She can't even see the guy most of the time in the book, even around the house. And there are sudden descriptions of how lovely her laces were on the dress, how the sky turned dark, how this man has biceps, and how pigs got wings! (Err okay I made that last phrase up... but I wouldn't be surprised to find that there.) And then one fine evening, she falls in love with him, and they start kissing and making out! Why on earth?! And how??!!
That book formed my idea of how bad a novel can get -- I knew the bottom of all creative writing had been reached by mankind. The plot of the book, the characters, the scenery -- they all seemed like some divine conspiracy to kill brain cells; to make you stupider, word by word. Okay, so Hindi movies show people changing clothes in the blink of an eye, singing and running around flowers in circles, and then suddenly babies pop out, apparently due to cross-pollination. But this??! No talk, no interaction, no sharing of feelings, nothing for the life of it? Oh dear Lord, what did mankind do to deserve this? I'll tell you, the world was too perfect until Lord Shiva decided to introduce chaos into the universe, and these books are the first idea that popped into His "divine" head -- I always knew that guy Kama had aimed his arrow at the wrong person at the wrong place: must've hit his head right then! I completely know how the Munis and Rishis came up with "Tamaso Mah Jyotir-Gamayah" -- they were trying to save humans from the future doom, known as Mills and Boons!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Arjuna speaks
Why do I have to do this? Why, why why? Why can't life be simpler? Why do I have to kill, maim and destroy? Why can't we just sit down and get this over with? Tell me, O Krishna, is that little piece of land called Indraprastha really worth all this?
Look at them, dear friend, look at them. That old man you see there, thats Bheeshma: I used to play in his lap as a child. He helped me stand on my feet as a kid, taught me how to hold a bow and an arrow. Today you want me to shoot at him? See those bunch of people my age yonder? They are the brothers of Duyodhana. We used to play in the orchards together. That small guy there, he used to run and hide behind me when he was afraid, I used to protect him from the bullies. And today you ask me to go and stab him in his face. How can I do it? I still see in his face the child I used to protect. Today you ask me to butcher a child?
I don't want it, I don't want any of this! How can I forget the love, how can I forget the feeling of safety and comfort I felt in their presence? It kills me from within to even raise the bow. At one time I would have gladly given my life for them, any of them! And look at me today: I am prepared to take their lives! Oh what shame, what shame! How will I be able to live? How can someone ever feel safe in my presence? They would know that even though I protect them today, tomorrow I'll just go there and murder them in cold blood. Nobody can trust me ever again. I'll lose face before even myself, I will never be able to trust myself.
And all this, to get hold of some useless piece of land whose thousandth part will be enough to cremate me. Isn't there enough land on this planet? Do I really need to kill them for that little one? Look at me, for all I have learned, with all the skills Dronacharya there has taught me, I am about to turn against him and shoot to kill. I am standing in a battle of which I want no part... I am here because of circumstances! I am not to blame, and yet I have to shoot. Why, why, Sir, must I fight? Against whom am I fighting? What will I gain? Is it really worth the loss? Tell me, O Lord, why shouldn't I just lay down my arms and let them kill me? At least then I would die happy that I kept my word, I loved them till my last breath.
Look at them, dear friend, look at them. That old man you see there, thats Bheeshma: I used to play in his lap as a child. He helped me stand on my feet as a kid, taught me how to hold a bow and an arrow. Today you want me to shoot at him? See those bunch of people my age yonder? They are the brothers of Duyodhana. We used to play in the orchards together. That small guy there, he used to run and hide behind me when he was afraid, I used to protect him from the bullies. And today you ask me to go and stab him in his face. How can I do it? I still see in his face the child I used to protect. Today you ask me to butcher a child?
I don't want it, I don't want any of this! How can I forget the love, how can I forget the feeling of safety and comfort I felt in their presence? It kills me from within to even raise the bow. At one time I would have gladly given my life for them, any of them! And look at me today: I am prepared to take their lives! Oh what shame, what shame! How will I be able to live? How can someone ever feel safe in my presence? They would know that even though I protect them today, tomorrow I'll just go there and murder them in cold blood. Nobody can trust me ever again. I'll lose face before even myself, I will never be able to trust myself.
And all this, to get hold of some useless piece of land whose thousandth part will be enough to cremate me. Isn't there enough land on this planet? Do I really need to kill them for that little one? Look at me, for all I have learned, with all the skills Dronacharya there has taught me, I am about to turn against him and shoot to kill. I am standing in a battle of which I want no part... I am here because of circumstances! I am not to blame, and yet I have to shoot. Why, why, Sir, must I fight? Against whom am I fighting? What will I gain? Is it really worth the loss? Tell me, O Lord, why shouldn't I just lay down my arms and let them kill me? At least then I would die happy that I kept my word, I loved them till my last breath.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
My election manifesto
Some people "nominated" my name for a committee of graduate students in our department, and there was an election coming up. So here is what I put forth on my election manifesto:
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If elected, I promise the following:
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All right so that wasn't the entire bit, there was a little 'sober' text following it as well. But guess what happened at the election? I won uncontested!! :D
P.S. - You did not hear from me that we were the only two candidates running for two posts and there was no actual election. These gossip-mongers, I tell you!
==============================
If elected, I promise the following:
- Free breakfast, lunch and dinner for all graduate students everyday
- All printers in the department be converted into color printers with unlimited printouts
- Complimentary massages for everyone by a 'special' masseuse in the Taylor basement between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m.
- Full travel grants for anyone presenting anything at a conference/workshop anywhere on the globe
- Professional writers hired by the department to write your thesis and conference papers free of cost.
===============================
All right so that wasn't the entire bit, there was a little 'sober' text following it as well. But guess what happened at the election? I won uncontested!! :D
P.S. - You did not hear from me that we were the only two candidates running for two posts and there was no actual election. These gossip-mongers, I tell you!
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Invitation card politics
My sister is about to get married, and this time when I went home the air had all the signs of the crazy times about to come. Fixing up caterers, booking halls, arranging for the Purohits and the decorators: you know the drill. Of course my sisters and mom were having a gala time buying sarees and 'matching' shoes and cosmetics for each day of the wedding. "On this day I wear this yellow one, on that day I wear this blue one, and oh that maroon one I wore at that sister's wedding: I can't wear that in this one..." -- boy they had it all planned out! My mom goes into a shopping spree whenever I go home and accompany her to the market. Since I don't stay at home during the Durga and Kali Pujas and the other festivals, I don't mind the pampering :) So for instance I went one day to the market to get one dhoti so that I could wear it on the next Puja or the wedding evening itself: I came home with a couple of fine pairs of dhoti-punjabi, pajama-punjabi, and a pair of denims. Ah the joy of staring at zeroes following the digits on crisp bank notes. ;)
However, what intrigued me personally was when I sat down with my dad to decide who were to be invited to the wedding reception. And that too, just him/her or the entire family. Very broadly, there are people who you send cards to but know for sure that they are not going to turn up for the wedding: the cards are just a kind of a token reminder that we didn't forget about you. Then there are people who sit on the fence: a card will go to them but they may or may not turn up. And then there are close relatives who are going to come but still expect the card nonetheless. And here's the strangest part: even the first category of people who are never going to come to the wedding (or even the borderline cases) will need to be told over the phone that there is a wedding and they may "please grace us with their august presence". There are so many ways of offending people!
Again, there is the whole issue of who the card is to be addressed to. If they live in a single private house and the sons and their families live and earn separately and just share a common postal address, you still need to send the envelope to the elderly gentleman in the house: he is considered the head of the family. If, however, the grand-dad lives with his married daughter, you need to send two cards -- one addressed to the grand-dad and one to the daughter's husband. For local contacts such as colleagues, again, you need to decide whether you are inviting just the person or the spouse and/plus kids as well: the card needs to be addressed accordingly. "Whew", you must be saying... I too said the same when I learnt all this stuff -- whew, thats complicated!!
What takes the cake, however, is deciding who to invite and more importantly, who not to. So we were about to invite Mr. X and family when my dad just remembered: "But hey, they didn't invite us when their daughter got married --- get them off the list!". Or there was this local friend who had visited our house time and again with his family in tow but only invited my dad for their son's wedding. That too he had come to my dad's the office and did not bother about mentioning or inviting anyone else. He shall be paid back in the same coin; a letter will be sent to his office bearing just his name, no mention of his wife ;) Of course my dad didn't go to attend that wedding, and in his shoes I would have probably said eff-off to this person; no cards or anything: I don't go where my mom isn't respected and don't invite/care about such people either. But I seriously loved those sessions with dad --- we had compiled an initial list of about 350 people and needed to get it down to 200. So we sat down one evening and I started reading off names -- Mr. X, Mr. Y and family, etc. My dad went, "Yeah, let Mr. X be there; Mr. Y? Oh get rid of him; Mr. Z... naah, talked to him only twice -- snip him off! Ah, Mr. A... hmm, put a question mark beside him: if push comes to shove, he'll get the axe". Needless to say, it was fun. In one pass, we got down from 350 to 137! Heh, aren't weddings fun? :)
However, what intrigued me personally was when I sat down with my dad to decide who were to be invited to the wedding reception. And that too, just him/her or the entire family. Very broadly, there are people who you send cards to but know for sure that they are not going to turn up for the wedding: the cards are just a kind of a token reminder that we didn't forget about you. Then there are people who sit on the fence: a card will go to them but they may or may not turn up. And then there are close relatives who are going to come but still expect the card nonetheless. And here's the strangest part: even the first category of people who are never going to come to the wedding (or even the borderline cases) will need to be told over the phone that there is a wedding and they may "please grace us with their august presence". There are so many ways of offending people!
Again, there is the whole issue of who the card is to be addressed to. If they live in a single private house and the sons and their families live and earn separately and just share a common postal address, you still need to send the envelope to the elderly gentleman in the house: he is considered the head of the family. If, however, the grand-dad lives with his married daughter, you need to send two cards -- one addressed to the grand-dad and one to the daughter's husband. For local contacts such as colleagues, again, you need to decide whether you are inviting just the person or the spouse and/plus kids as well: the card needs to be addressed accordingly. "Whew", you must be saying... I too said the same when I learnt all this stuff -- whew, thats complicated!!
What takes the cake, however, is deciding who to invite and more importantly, who not to. So we were about to invite Mr. X and family when my dad just remembered: "But hey, they didn't invite us when their daughter got married --- get them off the list!". Or there was this local friend who had visited our house time and again with his family in tow but only invited my dad for their son's wedding. That too he had come to my dad's the office and did not bother about mentioning or inviting anyone else. He shall be paid back in the same coin; a letter will be sent to his office bearing just his name, no mention of his wife ;) Of course my dad didn't go to attend that wedding, and in his shoes I would have probably said eff-off to this person; no cards or anything: I don't go where my mom isn't respected and don't invite/care about such people either. But I seriously loved those sessions with dad --- we had compiled an initial list of about 350 people and needed to get it down to 200. So we sat down one evening and I started reading off names -- Mr. X, Mr. Y and family, etc. My dad went, "Yeah, let Mr. X be there; Mr. Y? Oh get rid of him; Mr. Z... naah, talked to him only twice -- snip him off! Ah, Mr. A... hmm, put a question mark beside him: if push comes to shove, he'll get the axe". Needless to say, it was fun. In one pass, we got down from 350 to 137! Heh, aren't weddings fun? :)
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